Working TruforgivenessOct 11, 2021
There is a common misconception with Forgiveness the way the ego teaches. It often says that if you forgive someone that things continue on as they were. Such as a partner being cheated on, heartbroken, then they take their loved one back. You can often hear them, "It's okay, I have forgiven them now," and they smile as they go. Yet often they throw the cheating back in their partner's face, "You almost destroyed me. You better make this up to me!" This is Forgiveness-to-Destroy. Whilst I cannot take credit for this terminology, for it comes from A Course in Miracles, it simply means that hidden deep underneath the smile is the simmering anger yet to be truly forgiven.
With Truforgiveness, you do not make true the events of form, but withdraw the darkness. This does not mean that you stay in the situation that seemed to hurt you, for when you undo the darkness within it usually corrects the path you were walking. Yet, you walk with peace and love, even if you let go of the hand you once held tight to.
And I have the perfect example for you now. Many years ago I had a dearly loved greyhound that was walking outside during the day. Tame and terrific she was off the leash as she ambled along with my grandmother. Innocently, she edged off the footpath and near the gutter that ventured onto a road. As my dearly loved Sherbourne squatted down to empty her bladder, still inches from the road, a semitrailer came flying past. With the force of the movement it swiftly picked her up and sucked her underneath the tyres and she was no more. Her broken body was left crumbled, torn, unrecognized, as the driver sped off, unaware of what had happened. I was just twelve when this occurred, and whilst I was not present I still remember the afternoon I arrived home from my first year of high school to this sad news.
I walked in the front door. It was around 4:30 in the spring afternoon. My mother looked glum and invited me into her bedroom to sit down. I had been with Sher for as long as I could remember. She was my best friend, especially being an only child, and she was the one that I whispered my secrets to that I told no one else. Mum said, "Something bad has happened," as she took hold of my hand. My dad was away for work, staying a few hours away. Immediately I spoke, "Is dad okay?" I still remember the terror building inside me. My mum shook her head, but then she needn't say anything more, for I knew. I jumped straight up and went running through the house, "My sister. My sister. It's my sister." I was screaming. As I searched the house I could hear my mum begging me to come back, but I knew she was gone. This would be my first experience of true loss. A loss so deep that it becomes unforgettable to the psyche.
I honestly have no words to describe what this fawn greyhound meant to me. At that age, if I had of had a choice to keep someone in my life, it would have been my loyal and loving companion. Such was the bond we shared. Silently we communicated, as she buried my secrets within her. And loved me like no one else had. She was so smart. Snuggling on my parents bed when they left the house, only to exit as she would hear the car approaching. It seemed she was never there, except her body dent in the pillows would give it away.
So, why am I speaking of this incident now to you? Well, this morning, on an overcast day in Sydney I was walking a black greyhound. She is not mine, but it does not mean I love her any less. And as we were walking in a quiet street, she decided to veer off the pavement and take her piddle quite close to the guttering. Suddenly, a car came around the bend and instead of driving in her lane, she pulled into the gutter at a flying speed and decided to park 20 metres ahead.
This black beauty looked frazzled as she hastily moved closer to me. I was shocked by what took place, my body started to tremble, as my mind was taken back to the day of destruction I felt those decades ago. And as the young teacher got out of her car, I politely told her that it isn't that safe to be driving so close to the guttering when someone or something is so close to the road. Sarcastically she offered back that I should keep the greyhound away from the road. I was not looking for a fight. I simply wanted to educate her, so that perhaps she did not do it again. I also did not project what was happening to me, for what you feel within is what you need to clean up.
And so, this is how Truforgiveness works. You educate and speak to someone about their behavior, not pointing the finger or projecting blame. I know, sometimes this is not possible, when the ego rears its head. But it is the best way to go, if able. Then, once you have made them aware, such as, "It might be dangerous to drive so close to someone, perhaps leave a little more room next time?" This is so they become conscious of their actions. Then, whatever you think about the situation is up to you to resolve from within, to undo the problem to find the peace, where the truth of innocence for all resides.
For me, this young lady has given me a blessing, for she has allowed me to locate the hidden trauma within that I could not process as a 12-year old child. As I walked and my body started to tremble, I could forgive the driver for being unaware of the mistake he made. I could forgive the damage my grandmother went through as a 60-year old woman. I could forgive myself for not saying good-bye to my best friend. I could forgive God, for I once blamed Him (a huge mistake of mine!). And I could forgive myself and hope that I would become a better driver and hopefully no longer inflict this suffering on another.
What you feel within is what you must clean up. It is time to stop blaming another, for if we all concentrated on cleaning up the mess within our minds, imagine how much true healing would happen.
You do you, by truly forgiving whatever you move through and over time miracles will be made. It does not mean you do not correct a brother. So, if you have an issue with someone, let them know. Not how you are feeling, for this projects blame, and then leave it up to them to change their ways. And then you withdraw the shadow you see without, as we start to unite to undo the darkness that seeks the ways of sickness and suffering.
And so, as I sit here now I truly am grateful for this lady that gave me a fright this morning. For she has shown me where I had hidden this trauma that first broke my heart almost 40-years ago now. I will never forget Sher for true love cannot be parted. Honestly, Sher was my true friend, at a time when I struggled with friendships. If I could say anything to her now, it would be, 'Thank you for teaching me what true love is about.' I love you Sher!
Much love, peace, and Truforgiveness,