Last night I faced my biggest fear... the death of a loved one. The diagnosis was dire and from revelation to release it was one month. During this time I worked hard on Truforgiveness. Why? I was attempting to undo the belief in separation, which is what death represents, so that I did not lose them at the end.

If you haven't read the start of this journey, head here first.... PART 1

The past few weeks have been difficult, but when the time came for them to lay their body aside, most of the grief was gone. I had undone the guilt within that said we were separate. This is how love can never be lost, stolen, or destroyed. I have them with me, even if the body is not in my sight. I smile within, knowing that death is an illusion, for only love is real. As what God creates as One, cannot be parted.

So, what did I learn about the disease of death the ego tells us is true...

1) Lean into the pain

I had days when the storm of separation that swirled around me was overwhelming, I heard God whisper, "Lean into the pain." Slowly and gently, hour by hour, I edged closer. To step lightly so the darkness did not destroy me, knowing that hidden within the pain was the peace of God. The truth of wholeness, which reveals that death is not true. For we are being not body.

"I forgive the darkness that deceives me to extend light outward," was one such line I leaned deep into. Layer by layer I peeled away at the pain as it surfaced. I had days when I was on my knees, in excruciating terror. But I was determined to find the truth of my loved one inside, so that I would not know the terror of separation. 

2) What you fear is what you must truly forgive

Death is the most feared experience in the world, which we all must face at some stage. I would not willing rush into experience this, but when it comes calling stand strong. It represents the belief in separation, which is the true cause of every suffering seen in time. Truly forgive it when it comes your time to face this terror. Be it yourself or a loved one. For every shadow that comes covers the truth of Perfect Love. This is what you must uncover within to stay safe and secure. The knowledge of Oneness, which belongs to being and not bodily-identification.

As the heartbreak surfaces I continue to clean within, to truly forgive the pain I feel from losing the one that I cherish. This path to peace is not always easy, but as long as I truly forgive each moment of madness each day, I will find my way through the fog to the fullness of Perfect Love that will reveal death is not true. This is how love cannot be taken from you. This is what you must do as well.

3) To protect yourself is to truly forgive to free

Had I not dived deep with each cloud of confusion that came my way, I would be deep in grief right now. Instead, I speak words of love to the one that has been granted freedom from ego-identification. Until it is time for them to step back into time and unlearn fear to find love with the lessons the body has to teach. I love them dearly; so, so dearly. If I could bring them back to the body to walk with me through time, would I? Yes, for they were my best friend. A love that transcends time, but only when the guilt of separation has been undone.

As I sit here and write, 22 hours have passed since they took their last breath. I was with them. I had promised I would not leave, and I did not. They were almighty until the end. I was beyond proud of the courageous battle they fought, as punishment after punishment came to take them away. 

As long as you are truly forgiving the darkness you will be truly healing.

4) Death teaches us what is valuable and what is not

When this time of suffering comes, it teaches us what is truly valuable and what is not. You see, in the time leading up to this passing, I simply forgot about life. My focus was on them and what I once considered important faded away. I was with them with each step of the way, as they fell across the line. Holding them up and helping them to cross the bridge from body to being. I learned that love is what is truly valuable. And that those grievances are meaningless. Those petty fights we fought meant nothing, for they simply allowed us to waste our time. 

In the weeks of worry we had a falling out. A huge argument. I knew they were dying yet they did not. We had words. I walked away. I wish it didn't happen, but it did. More Truforgiveness opportunities for me. Their pain worsened. I caved in. And made my way back to the hospital. The fear of rejection surfaced as I made my way to them. Would they tell me to leave? I truly forgave this as it surfaced. 'I forgive being terrified of being rejected.' They did not. As soon as they witnessed me walk in, they opened their arms in relief that I was back. Precious time wasted. It was now time to make up.

As they fell into a coma, I held their hand. I was so aware of how little time we had left. The time I once took them for granted, thinking we had forever, yet the clocked ticked ahead, as the countdown began. I started to tell them that I loved them.

5) The truth of love is within, deep within

The night before they took their last breath, I had a dream. In it, I was in the ocean and a tsunami was set to arrive. I looked at the pounding wave coming my way. I had to get out of the sea, to dry land. As I turned to head back, I could see more disturbance ahead. There was no way to get out. I was about to be blown out of the water.

I know the tsunami was the passing of my loved one yesterday. I still have a few more waves to come from differing directions. My storm of suffering is not over. I have yet to find my footing upon the rock of Perfect Love. Yet, I continue to clean within, until fear has been forgotten and only love made known. I lean into the pain to find the peace, and when I have, I will no longer be in suffering. The cause is within, so undo the belief of being nothing to know You are everything, by locating the truth of Oneness inside. 

I miss them so much. I wanted to hold them in my arms and not let them go, as the body grew cold. 'If only I could hold them forever,' I thought.

I haven't made it to the rock of Perfect Love within just yet, where the entire shadow of the sin of separation has been undone, but I am well on my way. I had to let people know that they had left earlier today, and so, I wrote....

"From the moment I came into this world to the moment I left, I was a ray of light. Cute as a button and a peacemaker. Sadly my time to leave this world came last night at 9:30pm. I struggled a lot in the last few days. And for those of you not aware, one month ago I found out I had metastatic melanoma. It spread far and wide throughout my body. Even covering my skin in these nasty sores from top to toe (almost).

I wanted you to remember me as jovial and joyous, happy and harmonious, and loving and light. As I will remember you.

Thank you for assisting to colour the story of my life. If I forgot to tell you... I love you."

Death of the body is not the end. It is a transition from one form to another. Whatever lessons of darkness come your way, buckle down and truly forgive the fear when it finds you. This will take you deep into the truth of love within that saves from suffering.

The truth of Perfect Love connects us all. It will teach you via revelation and not ego interpretation. It is what you need when the storms of separation cause you to suffer.

To the one that has left my sight... I love you more than words can describe. You are my first true love and I am proud of everything you are. I promise, I will not forget you ever! Thank you for sharing your time with me.

Much love, peace, and Truforgiveness,
Tash xxx